Respite Planning

The respite I’ve been planning for these past couple of months is finally getting close. I’m taking about 10 days off to sing in a concert, weed my flowers at home, get my teeth cleaned, snuggle with my kitties (if they’re still speaking to me), visit with friends, and attend a regional art show. Sis and her partner agreed to watch over Mom and Dad while I’m gone.

Now comes the hard part – telling Mom and Dad. Dad already knows, but has probably forgotten. I’ve certainly talked about it openly in front of him many times. But here’s what he doesn’t know: I’ve arranged for him to spend part of the time in the skilled nursing facility with Mom. He gets 90 complimentary days as part of his living arrangements in this continuous care community where they reside. He’ll be well cared for and can help watch over Mom. I’ll continue his home health aid for three days that week; she can take him back to the apartment, to pick up the mail, or anywhere else he wants/needs to go. Sounds like a sweet deal to me.

But will he buy it? First, I anticipate he will feel he’s being stuck away with old, sick people because we think he’s old and sick. This week when I suggested we might have dinner in the assisting living dining room instead of the “independent” dining room where he normally eats, he seemed to get angry. Though he never actually completed the question, I think he was trying to ask me if anyone had complained about him eating there. Yet, I think/hope he will feel comfortable in the assisted living area because this is where he and Mom will belong pretty soon.

Second, I anticipate he will be confused and concerned about what exactly will happen while I’m gone. I’ve learned that he likes calendars and lists. So today I will buy him a large format calendar on which I can list in some detail what will happen each day. He can post it, along with my phone number. Also, Sis and her partner will come over after work during the week to visit both Mom and Dad and, on the weekend, they’ll take Dad out to their place.

When I return, I’ll be able to meet with the assisted living team to discuss their assessment of Dad and what level of care they feel he would need if/when Mom and Dad move in there.

I’m a bit less worried about Mom’s reaction to this plan. She may be apprehensive at first. But she receives so much support from the nursing staff that I think she won’t miss me too much.

The logistics are falling into place. If the emotional pieces of the puzzle come together in the next few days, I’ll be very happy.

Sue