Hospice

How do you know when it’s time to call in hospice services for someone nearing death? That’s the question we’ve asked ourselves and others for weeks without getting a clear answer; probably because there is no clear, “right” time. It’s not a one-size-fits-all kind of service or decision.

Nevertheless, we did our homework. I attended a presentation by one of three hospice agencies that have contracts to work inside Mom’s nursing center. Then, while Mom was in the hospital for a few days last week, Sis and I interviewed a second hospice representative. Then, after input from the nursing facility staff, we decided to be thorough and meet with the third hospice. We ended up deciding on the third hospice company, not because of any perceived difference in services, but because their representative made the best impression. Emotional times seem to call for gut decisions.

The hospice nurse came to assess Mom and review her chart. Mom seemed to like her but wasn’t entirely enthusiastic about the whole situation. The next day a hospice social worker paid a visit when I wasn’t with Mom. When I asked Mom later about her visits from the nurse and the social worker, she didn’t say much but seemed to have a negative feeling about them.

Then, the following day I arrived at Mom’s room to find a smiley face balloon and smiley face decals on her windows, along with a little framed verse designed to be comforting or inspiring. When I commented on these additions to her room and asked who had brought them, Mom rolled her eyes and said, “Oh, you know.”

Well, I didn’t know, and began guessing all her friends who visit on a regular basis. All these guesses were met with a negative shake of the head. For a minute I wondered if Mom had simply forgotten where they came from. But then it occurred to me – hospice – and Mom is having a hard time even saying the word!

People have told me that there are no right or wrong decisions, that we have to do what we feel deep in our hearts is best for Mom, but I did have a twinge of guilt. When Mom looks at me, I can feel her thinking, “You traitor, you’ve given up on me!”

Sue