It’s easy for me to write about my father’s confusion and paranoia. He’s 84 years old and has Parkinsons Disease with dementia. It’s not so easy for me to admit my own cognitive dysfunction.
It’s hard to talk about because it’s so scary. Am I in the early stages of dementia myself? Is it simply the mild but increasing forgetfulness that most people experience as they get older? Or is it a strictly temporary condition brought on by the stress of my mother’s death and caring for my father? Whatever its cause, it’s quite unsettling.
I flew home this weekend to spend a week before returning to close down my parents’ old apartment. It’s been about ten weeks since I was home for my last respite visit. A student has been housesitting and taking care of the cats, so it didn’t surprise me to find a few things out of place – knives in a different drawer, cups and glasses arranged differently, a trash basket missing from my office. That sort of strangeness was easy to explain.
But then, I pulled a fork from the drawer to eat my dinner, and, as I held it in my hand, it seemed wrong. I looked at all the other flatware; it was the same. However, a few of the serving spoons were of a different, more familiar pattern. Which was the more current set? Had the housesitter found the old set stored who-knows-where and decided to switch it out? Why couldn’t I remember this flatware?
I carried the fork to the next room where my husband was working, and asked, “Is this our most recent flatware pattern?”
“Sure,” he said without hesitation. Now, how could he be so certain when he’s been away from him for seven months?
Where do minds go when you lose them? What must I do to find mine?
Sue
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3 comments:
Hi Sue
Came to your blog through your comments on distraction addictions in response to Eric Maisel's work.
First - I'd like to offer my sincere sympathy in the loss of your mother - and in your father's illness, as well. I've been caring for my mom (now 91)more and more since my dad died in 2001. Almost a year ago she moved in with us - and her dementia has progressed at an increasing rate over the past six years. So, I have experience with some of what you're going through. The grief and stress you are currently experiencing makes your lapses in concentration/focus on detail/memory strangeness not at all surprising! I'm sure you are sleep deprived off and on, as well. Be gentle with yourself. Know that you are doing the right thing in caring for your dad. Whether he can express his gratitude to you or not, I'm sure he feels it.
And about the flatware - could be your memory and the stress or you could be right! And I bet if you changed your flatware tomorrow to a whole different pattern, your husband would say that was the one you'd had before, too! Laugh as much as possible! I find it helps.
Girl,
I told you you could find your mind at the grocery store! Remember?
Love,
T :)
Hello there, Sue,
I, also, came here through your comments on Eric Maisel's newsletter.
I just wanted to say that my distraction was solitaire on my computer. And I applaud your efforts to redirect yourself especially with all you are going through right now.
Keep up the good work and remember to take care of yourself, too.
Susan
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