Confusion

I see Dad’s confusion and dementia and I make assumptions. I assume he doesn’t understand what Mom is about to go through with her operation. I assume he will not be a reliable “agent” for Mom’s medical decisions if she were to be incapacitated. I assume he cannot understand what’s going on with his financial affairs, that he will forget to pay bills, if Mom is incapable of reminding him or paying them herself.

Certainly there is some evidence to support these assumptions. This leads me to believe I need to take control. Then, all of a sudden, Dad calls me on my assumptions. He expresses resentment that he has not been consulted about something. Or he asks a question that demonstrates he knows and understands more than I assumed.

Maybe I don’t give him enough credit. Maybe I’m not allowing him the dignity he deserves. Maybe I’m the one who is confused! In his own way, Dad is teaching me something about meeting people where they are, being open to their capabilities in the moment, respecting and loving them no matter what. And I think about how I will want to be treated by my family if/when my cognitive abilities begin to deteriorate. (Yikes! Must do more crosswords and Sudoku!) Patience, please, dear God.

Sue