Finding the Groove

How do you insert yourself into someone else’s life without taking over in a way that is disruptive rather than helpful? That’s the question I’ve been asking myself. Though Mom and Dad need help, they do have their routines that support independent living. For example, they can go to dinner in the facility dining room or Bistro; in fact, the cost of a certain number of meals is included in their monthly fee, and if they don’t use the dining services, it’s money down the drain.

But I can’t go to dinner with them every night; that would be an extra cost and too expensive. So I had planned to cook for myself and eat as I would at home. Today I had planned to cook a vegetarian dish – kale and bean ragout – which makes enough for leftovers for several meals.

When dinnertime rolled around there was an awkward hour or so when Mom was saying she really wasn’t hungry, Dad wasn’t sure what was going on, and I was trying to persuade the two of them to go to the dining room as usual. It wasn’t that I wasn’t willing to share my ragout, but I knew Mom wouldn’t like it and I had a feeling Dad wouldn’t enjoy a vegetarian meal; he’s more of a meat and potatoes guy. However, Dad seemed to want to stay and eat kale, and by that time, Mom was also trying to persuade to go to the dining room. As they were finally starting to leave, Dad said, “I am really confused.”

I suspect Dad was thinking that I had come to cook dinner for them, as my sister does every few weeks. It’s a treat when they have a special meal cooked for them and they can take a break from the dining room fare. Or perhaps Dad thought it would be rude for them to go off and leave me to eat by myself. Whatever his confusion, he’s not able to express it.

But he’s not the only one confused. Now I’m feeling guilty for not having planned special meals for them. And I have a hard time imagining what to cook for them. I have my everyday (boring) menus that I cook for myself, and I have my gourmet club recipes that are expensive, fattening, and a lot of trouble. It’s going to take some creative thinking and collaboration with Mom and Dad to find the food groove that will serve us all well.

Sue