Sleepless in Atlanta

I’m not one to lose sleep over anything. If I do wake up, I can usually pray myself back to sleep. The last thing I would normally do is get up, turn on a light, read, or write. For that would surely wake me up for good. But, hey, I’m in a different time and place, and, most certainly, in a different fame of mind. So it’s 2:34 a.m. and I’m writing.

It’s also hot, and the fountain outside, the one I’ve previously found so soothing, is driving me nuts…water torture.

This has been a week of asking “what if…?” and, like some strange scavenger hunt, looking for answers. I met with the home health coordinator at Mom and Dad’s facility to find out what additional resources would be available after Mom comes home from the hospital. What are the costs? What IF (the unthinkable scenario) Mom never comes back from the hospital and Dad needs 24-hour care? What are the costs? Would Medicare cover anything at all? Could Dad and/or Mom be accommodated in the assisted living part of this facility? What are the costs?

Then, looking at all those costs (and I am allergic to numbers, so this gives me a massive headache), I had to ask, how many years would their life savings buy at these different levels of care?

On my “day off,” my sister and I spent the afternoon reviewing all the information I had gathered. Realizing there are many other assisted living options, and some much more geographically convenient to my sister’s home, we visited a couple of facilities and compared costs and other factors.

Fortunately, my sister and I are in agreement about strategies: As long as they can live independently, with a little home health care help, and as long as Mom is tied to doctors, hospitals and treatments in this area, it doesn’t make sense for them to move, They’re in a lovely place and they’ve made friends who are supportive. But if/when it makes more sense for them to be in assisted living, it would be better for them to be in a less expensive place closer to my sister. At that point, they’d be leaving friends anyway and making new ones.

Mom and Dad are facing so much stress this week, anticipating Mom’s surgery, that we don’t want to even mention the possibility of moving; but I feel better having done a little homework. I’ve always been better at long-range planning than living in the moment.

In my scavenger hunt for information this week, I picked up some potentially valuable tips: Dad may be eligible for veteran’s benefits to cover some of his assisted living costs. Though Medicare is no help at all for long-term care, it will cover some in-home hospice care, which might be used to supplement the home health care or assisted living services they pay for. Most people think of hospice as “end-of-life” services, but the director of an assisted living facility told me that hospice is for anyone who has a progressive, chronic illness, and most people would benefit from seeking hospice involvement sooner rather than later.

Will this brain dump allow me to return to sleep? A good bottle of wine might help, but I’m afraid if I tip toe out to my car to retrieve the bottle of pinot grigio (I got rid of the pickles, by the way), I’ll get locked out. My next strategy (and this often works) is to repeat a mantra in my head, which replaces the racing thoughts scrambling my brain. This is a technique adapted from Eric Maisel’s work (see www.ericmaisel.com or google him). Breathe in for five seconds saying/thinking “I am completely…” and breathe out for five seconds saying/thinking “…stopping.” I, personally, find it more helpful to say “I am…a child of God.”

Sue