How's Sue?

Some have asked how I’m holding up through this “caretaking adventure.” If you’ve read this blog from the beginning, you may recall that I was determined to approach this journey creatively, in the sense that I wanted to maintain good mental, emotional, and physical health while making a meaningful contribution to my family’s quality of life.
Here’s my report card so far:

Physical – A-
My strategy has included using the local Curves clubs for workouts three days/week, and walking around the community on alternate days. That was fairly easy to do until this week after Mom went into the hospital. But next week I should be back on schedule. I wear a pedometer consistently, take the stairs instead of the elevator, and park far away (which isn’t hard at the hospital). I average about 7500 steps per day.

Another part of my strategy was to give up “bad habits” for Lent (and beyond). In the past, when I’d come here for a week to visit, I’d fall into the habits of drinking wine and eating dessert every night, stopping at coffee shops and buying giant muffins, just so I could use the free WIFI (not really free if I spend $5 and 500 calories, now is it?), and sneaking cookies from Mom’s cupboard. These bad habits could easily add an extra five pounds in just a week. I couldn’t afford to let that happen. So I’ve determinedly avoided any indulgence that could easily become a habit. Yes, I’ve had a glass of wine, but only on what I could justify as a “special occasion” rather than an ordinary evening.

As a result, I’ve lost 3.5 pounds and a couple of inches this month. Yippee!

Mental – B
My strategy included bringing lots of reading material for all those times spent waiting – in doctors’ offices, hospitals, or for Dad to brush his dentures. I must admit that I have not even opened the box of books, which is still in the trunk of my car. I tried to start a novel but it hasn’t hooked me. I have made a dent in my collection of art and business magazines.

I had also thought it would be fun for all of us if I read books to Mom and Dad in the evening before bedtime. Nice idea, but we are all so exhausted by bedtime that we’d all be asleep before the end of the first paragraph.

I have a client for whom I’ve been doing some writing for the past few weeks. This has been excellent mental stimulation and a welcome diversion. In addition, it helps keep me grounded in the reality of my other life.

I can’t measure my mental state but overall, I think I’m doing OK. And this writing has been a therapeutic mental exercise, too.

Emotional – B-
The key strategy for emotional health has been to find something to laugh about every day. This has worked most days, though yesterday was a struggle. As I watched Mom try to clear her lungs, hooked up to tubes and monitors, it was easy to slip into fear and sadness. Inside I was falling apart and the lump in my throat was almost unbearable. But I held it together on the outside for Mom and Dad’s sake.

Once again, Dad unknowingly supplied my dose of humor at the end of the day. I let him take me out to dinner at a little diner near their apartment. Good thing it’s an all-night diner because that’s about how long it took, and not because of any inefficiency on the part of the wait staff. Dad perused the rather extensive menu trying to decide what he wanted while the very kind waitress stopped by at least a half dozen times to see if we had decided. She and I rolled our eyes at each other and smiled as Dad continued to look for the perfect meal. I could have become anxious about the time, the tiredness, the too many tasks waiting at home, but instead I relaxed into the moment. Dad finally decided on beef tips with mushrooms over rice. He eats very slowly and he has a huge appetite. And though he has some tremors from his Parkinsonism, he rarely spills a drop of food on his clothing.

Dad has become a cheesecake connoisseur; he could, and often does, order it every night. Of course he had to order dessert since this little diner is renowned for its cheesecakes, mile-high cakes, and Italian pastries. Again, there was a long wait while he decided among cherry, strawberry, or blueberry topping. When I reminded him that he had enjoyed cherry cheesecake so much earlier in the week, he agreed and ordered the cherry.

Then, there was the matter of paying for dinner. Dad pulled out a wad of bills from his pocket, very carefully unfolded them, and counted out the required amount. Then he carefully folded the remaining bills, attached the money clip, and placed it back in his pocket. It would have been so much easier for me to whip out a credit card and complete the whole transaction in a couple of minutes, but why deprive Dad of the pleasure of taking a lady out to dinner?

Sue