The Elephant in the Room

It’s easier to talk to Mom about death and risks associated with her surgery than it is to talk about some of the legal decisions that I believe must be made now. When I suggested to Mom that we need to change the medical power of attorney so that Dad is not the sole decision maker if she is unable to make decisions for herself, her response was, “Oh, he’ll never go for that.”

I also believe my sister and I need power of attorney for their bank and investment accounts. If Mom becomes incapacitated for very long, Dad will not be able to write checks to pay the bills. But Dad’s paranoia makes it difficult for him to give up control. And we agree that there’s still a great deal of pride at stake. Here’s a man who, though he has difficulty walking, still wants to open doors for the ladies.

I’ve been watching to see if there’s a time of day when Dad’s medication makes him more (or less) able to think clearly and communicate with us. Yesterday we took Dad to see his neurologist who prescribed a new medication that may help with the dementia and paranoia. I'll give it a chance to work before I try to have this conversation.

I’m happy to say we’ve found some creative solutions to minor challenges: no more confusion about meals; I fix lunch for them and they go to the dining room for dinner and leave me to my ragout (or whatever). We’ve agreed to go out for one meal a week, and I’ll cook dinner for them on Sundays.

A few days ago I finally found a WIFI spot that will allow me to send emails from my mail program. It’s outside a cyber café, which, though closed at 9:30 a.m., still offered a signal I could use. However, when I went back this morning, I got no signal. The search goes on.