Hurry Up!

Taking care of my father reminds me of taking care of my sons when they were little. As a working mom, I was always on a tight schedule. There was seldom any padding in the schedule to allow for completion of games or projects, or whatever the boys were in the middle of when it was time to go somewhere. And, when Mom's in a hurry, it's so much easier to make the decisions rather than letting the little ones have choices. I now know that this is not the best way to raise creative, responsible, self-reliant kids (though mine have done well in spite of me).

So it is with a father with Parkinsons. It would be so much easier not to give him choices; to fix breakfast and set it before him, to put his keys and money in his pockets in the morning and empty them at night (tasks that take him about 10-15 minutes). However, I know it's really important for him to do for himself everything that he can possibly do. It's good for his mind-nerve-muscle coordination. It's good for his sense of independence.

I am learning to accommodate his time consuming efforts at self-reliance. For example, the 30 minutes he spends washing his face and cleaning his dentures has become my reading time. I'm whipping through magazines and good junk novels as I keep one eye on Dad, ready to rush to his aid if he loses his balance or falls.

Then, there's the 15 minutes it take him to get into bed. I could probably lift him and place him into position (with waterproof pads neatly under him in case of accidents). But it's better for him to exercise the neurological connections and his memory to figure out how to do it. Besides, when Mom gets back home to care for him, I don't want him to be dependent on something she's not able to do. Instead, I play the cheerleader..."that's it...swing those feet around...ok, now walk the feet over, lift the hips...hooray, that's the best you've done yet!"

Sue