Painful Premonitions

I seem to be gifted (or cursed) with a level of intuition that causes me to feel the pain of others. For example, when my sister-in-law was in a serious automobile accident that crushed her lungs, I had unexplained chest pains for about 48 hours before finding out about the accident. Once I was aware of the accident, the pains went away.

Some of you, having heard this story before, are saying, “Oh, there she goes again.” Those of you who have not, are thinking, “Oh, my God, Sue has gone off the deep end.” But if this blog is to be a true account of my thoughts and feelings during this caregiving adventure, I must risk my reputation.

I have never considered myself “psychic,” nor do I want to be. I am willing to believe that these experiences are pure coincidence. In fact, I’d rather believe that. If, indeed, I were some sort of barometer of others’ critical health conditions, that would be an unbearable responsibility.

There have been other times when strange and unusual pains have caused me to think, “Oh, my God, who’s in trouble?” I’ve almost called friends or relatives to ask, “Are you OK?” I think I could get away with that without someone committing me to the loony bin, but if I said, “Sorry to bother you, but I have a pain in my left arm…you’re not having a heart attack are you?” people would question my sanity. And how would I know whom to call?

This is not something I dwell on. The only reason it comes to mind now is that we are all wondering how long Mom had this cancer inside her mouth and why she or her dentist did not discover it sooner. Then, I recalled that for several months late last year (I can’t remember the exact time), I had a pain in my jaw. Perhaps I was grinding my teeth in my sleep (though that’s never been a problem). All I know is that I have not had that pain since Mom’s diagnosis in late January. Should I have called my mother to advise her to get to an oncologist?

If this is a gift, please dear God, tell what to do with it. And if you hear me complain about a pain, seek medical attention immediately.

Sue