I am not alone

Sometimes I feel alone and sad. Like last night at dinner with Dad. After a long day at the hospital, during which Mom had to be put back on the ventilator and sedatives, I was feeling discouraged. Instead of envisioning Mom's eventual release from the hospital and full recovery, I was starting to think about the possibility of her never coming home. This was not something that I felt I could articulate to Dad. With his Parkinsons, mixed with some dementia, I don't know who much he understands, remembers, or worries, but I feel I need to protect him and help him feel secure. So I remained stoic (if not cheerful) on the outside as I sobbed on the inside.

Emails, phone calls, and blog responses from friends and family have helped me feel not so alone. Some have shared their own experiences with aging parents and with dementia. Some have just let me tell my story. Even my dear husband, who hates too much information about illness, bodily functions, and emotions, let me ramble on. For all this I am grateful.

This morning, on the way to the hospital, I prayed that I would feel God's presence and sense Him somehow working through me to help Mom heal (as opposed to yesterday, when my arrival at the hospital coincided with Mom needing more sedation!). I believe my prayers were answered. I've stood by Mom's bed calming her after a coughing spasm, reassuring her that her blood pressure is doing great, cheering her on when she was finally placed in a chair to sit up for a few hours.

I'm not taking the credit, but I thank God that I can feel somewhat useful and see promising results.

Sue