Personality and Faith

I actually wrote this and tried to post it early Sunday morning but my Internet connection was disrupted, perhaps because of a wild windstorm in the area. It could have been divine intervention, God’s way of telling me I hadn’t thought deeply enough about this topic. But now, more than 24 hours later, I’m not sure my thinking is any deeper or any different.

In the last few days, as I’ve watched my mother’s condition worsen, get better, and worsen again, I’ve realized that I’m a “glass half-full” kind of person. That is, I tend to find hope in the slightest signs of improvement, rather than despairing over what someone else might take as equally valid signs of deterioration. As I recognized this mindset, which may be partly due to innate personality, I also realized that some might call it “denial” or “naïveté.”

I also think it has something to do with faith. For I believe in a God that works miracles; not that He always gives us what we wish for. I can’t begin to understand His reasons and His timing. I know my 81-year-old mother with chronic lung problems isn’t going to live forever. I know that she has a tough road ahead – healing her lungs and facing radiation treatments for the cancer. I’m not afraid of her dying, especially if the alternative is perpetual life support via ventilator and feeding tube. But I have hope for a better day before the end.

And I believe that ill people need all the positive energy they can get. If I were in her shoes (and someday I will be), I’d rather have people standing around my bed with hope in their eyes, rather than guarded whispers about the problems and risks. Then again, I also would want people around me with the courage to say good-bye (and pull the plug if necessary) when my energy is not to be found in this world.

Sue